• Business, Schools and Love Life!
  • Listening is good for the listener
  • When you really listen, you become present, focused and calm (yes, you), aware of your thoughts and words, and how they interfere with another person feeling heard by you. You will know how to be comfortable in social situations with strangers, your partner and children, coworkers, clients, customers-even with that difficult person you avoid. You will learn how to diffuse someone's anger.
  • Listening benefits the person listening as much as it does the listener.
  • Listening is at the core of every relationship we have, both work and personal. Problems in these relationships can usually be easily deduced to one person's inability (or refusal) to listen to the other. In fact, this is the #1 reason marriages and businesses fail! (citation)

And yet, only 2% of the American population has ever studied the act and art of listening (citation)(do not have statistics for other countries at this juncture).

Sometimes all that’s needed to heal a wounded soul and lift a sagging spirit is one loving listener, for at its core, listening is love–love that sacrifices its need to be heard in favor of hearing, a desire to lecture in favor of learning, an opportunity to show off in favor of showing compassion. Instead of always leading the way, a patient listener, just by nodding in all the right places, can help a wanderer discover the right path on her own.
— Claudia Barba, The Monday Morning Club


Benefits for the speaker:

  • Emotions are calmed
  • Confusion is sorted out
  • Feeling of being understood
  • Conflict's and decisions resolved more easily
  • Personal wisdom is rediscovered
  • "Aha!" moments are increased
  • Great ideas are expressed and potentially manifested
  • Respect for the listener is enhanced

Benefits to the Listener:

  • Calmness in the face of strong emotion or confusion
  • Ability to help create order out of chaos.
  • Conflicts resolved more easily
  • Increased understanding and appreciation of others
  • Improved intimacy and all round understanding in relationships
  • Greater peace through controlling of the mind
  • Spiritual deepening
  • Increased heart health and stress reduction
  • Increased popularity
  • Learning to listen improves your love life!

From those first three decisive minutes when you meet, through all the challenges of learning to love one another, listening is the primary act that determines your success as a couple. In polls taken by online dating services, "someone who listens" is the number one attribute people are searching want in a potential mate. Failure to listen on a first date usually assures that you will not get a second.

If you are in a committed relationship, you already know how important it is to communicate effectively, to be understood, and to understand. John Gottman, a marriage counselor and researcher, who has about a 90% accuracy rate in determining couples who will and will not stay together, says that the "ability to heed one another" is one of the three determinants of relationship success. Heeding one another can only happen we know how to listen deeply to another person's concerns and needs, and care enough to adapt ourselves, within reason, to meeting those needs. Listening this way contradicts the "me first" attitude prevalent in many modern relationships.

People hate each other because they fear each other. People fear each other because they don’t understand each other. People don’t understand each other because they don’t know how to listen.
— Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.


Good listening is an integral part of sales, customer service, employee relations, product development and manufacturing. Costly mistakes result from mis-listening. Customers invariably choose a business based on its ability to listen to its needs. The largest reason employees are absent chronically or leave prematurely is they do not feel valued; listening is an immediate value indicator. Creative teams whether in marketing or design often block the one idea that could make a million because they weren't properly listening. Workforces that have a climate of listening, where everyone is trained, not just in active listening, but deep listening like we teach here, have happier more productive workplaces.

Schools are more peaceful when everyone is taught to listen to one another

When students, staff and teachers at schools are trained in listening, absenteeism, tardies, altercations, suspensions and expulsions go down. We did this in a number of schools, one over the course of three years. In just 6 months, all of the above indicators of stress and conflict in the school reduced overall by 63%!! Teachers feel heard, students feel valued, administrators have another tool besides punishment and shaming. One kindergarten student in a classroom said after 15 minutes of a lesson in listening, "Wow! This is really important!" Another high school student said that instead of the Pledge of Allegiance every morning, students should turn to each other and listen to each other for just one minute, telling whatever is going on for them, releasing the stress of holding it in. Great idea, heh?

Listening makes everybody calmer.